Commonly Asked Qs.
To followers old and new, here are the 6 things I get asked most about being an OCD-addled mother and thespian.
ARE YOU RICH?
Ha. I love this one. I mean, it’s all relative isn’t it? Acting wages certainly aren’t what they were when I started 17 years ago. Whenever I get a job now, the deal is usually prefaced with “the money’s not great on this one…” but I’m definitely not on the breadline.
I live in Wales, where my mortgage payment for a house is about a third of the rent I’d pay for a flat in London. We have two cars. A work car for my husband, as he’s a landscape gardener and I have a 10 year old Peugeot that, at this point, is more dog hair and Happy Meal toys than actual mechanics. The computer system doesn’t work, the radio doesn’t work (I use my phone), the back windscreen washer doesn’t work and I just had to fork out for a new catalytic converter. However, I can do the school run, take the dog up the mountain without worrying about destroying a lovely car with mud and do the shopping at Lidl. I’m happy.
So, I am rich, in that we live comfortably albeit precariously. I have a job right now but might not work for the rest of the year. Same with my husband. But I certainly don’t command huge salaries or endorsement deals (chance would be a bloody fine thing). I think my honesty on Instagram has probably cost me jobs as well as how some people see me. But, I’m willing to pay that price, so long as no-one feels as ashamed and alone as I did, postnatally.
WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO HAVE OCD?
Buzzy. Like tinnitus for the brain. On a good day, it’s background and just there. You can get on with your day and forget about it. During tougher times, it’s like you’re wearing someone else’s skin. You feel ‘wrong’ and off. The reality of the world tilts slightly on its axis and you’re flooded with overwhelming dread and fear. Compulsions are a pull, tempting you with the lie that by giving in, you’ll feel better. But it’s short lived and only drives the need to do it again. Like an addiction, I suppose. You get stuck. I mean that literally and figuratively. It never ceases to amaze me how clear-thinking and objective I can be when I’m not in an OCD trap and how powerless I suddenly become when I fall for it. Again. But with learning and practice, the stumbles are just that. You dust yourself off and try again, to quote Aaliyah.
I try to practice whenever I can. On the smallest of things. When I feel I HAVE to do something - because if I don’t, something might go wrong - I push myself not to be perfect. A small, inane example is…when I pick things up, I tend to pick up 10 at a time or I feel “off”. Now, I purposely pick up 7 or 11 and allow myself to sit in the uncertainty and low-level anxiety that brings. Then it subsides and I’ve grown a little stronger for when that torrent of intrusive thoughts, about the unimaginable, hits me. I know I can stand it.
WHY DO YOU LIVE IN WALES?
It’s cheap.
I’m joking! I love it here. My whole life in Wales has very little to do with my career. It used to be that I would go to London for an audition and whether it went well or terribly, I could get back on the train at Paddington Station and leave it all behind me. Things are different now with the rise of the self-tape, so the culture of needing to be London has shifted too.
Before having my son, I read a lot. Spent SO much time outdoors, in the forests and mountains with my dog. I would go into town and meet friends for lunch. Go to the cinema . Go to local bars and drink pink Sambuca (unadvisable) because it was so damn cheap here.
My husband is from my hometown too. We are close to our parents. We knew we wanted to raise any child, we were lucky enough to have, here.
There’s a pretentiousness to my industry that I have never quite gotten my head around. I don’t fit in there. I didn’t go to a private school, I don’t have any family connections to the business and I’m really bad at talking about the ‘art’ of it all when mostly, it’s actually about the money and how thin you are. I’m not good at lying and talking wank. Plus my accent marks me out as different.
Five minutes from my house is every shade of green you can think of. Endless woods and hills. There are no people and I can give my brain a rest. Twenty minutes away on the train is Cardiff (the Welsh capital) and 40 minutes away are beautiful coastal beaches.
Plus Welsh people are FUNNY.
HOW DO YOU CHOOSE YOUR ROLES?
This one absolutely fucking creases me. I don’t choose anything. Most actors don’t. You go up for a job and if you get it, you do it. You need to eat and pay bills.
I have turned down jobs in the past, for a plethora of reasons. Sometimes it clashes with another project. Sometimes, it’ll cost me more to do the job than I’d make, after travel and accommodation is seen to. And sometimes, albeit rarely, it doesn’t feel right. As it’s not just an admin job. You have to give a piece of yourself. Emotionally or spiritually (whatever that means to you), it takes a piece of you. So choose wisely.
But you learn something new on every job. I’ve been a lead actor on a TV show, shooting everyday for months and months. I’ve done bit parts on a production where you go in for the day and stand there like a spare tit, not knowing anyone.
I’m writing now to create roles that I’d like to play but I’ve discovered getting a film or TV show green-lit, is harder than getting an acting job. And that’s saying something. You audition for things constantly and it’s a REALLY good year if you get 2 or 3 jobs!
WOULD YOU HAVE ANOTHER BABY?
The short answer is that I can’t.
The longer answer is that I don’t know.
We, as a couple, can’t conceive naturally. We tried. REALLY hard (pun intended) for 5 years and then had to do IVF, which is one hell of a thing. We were lucky. Ours worked first time and on the NHS.
But the physical, emotional and mental toll of the whole process is not to be scoffed at. For such a long time, it felt like getting pregnant was the ‘goal’. Then I was pregnant and the world went to hell in a hand-basket (Covid) and I went on to have a deeply traumatic birth and postnatal illness and the truth is…it broke me.
I’m better now and that is so hard-won, it would be sheer insanity to put it at risk. Plus, as I’ve previously explained, we can’t really afford it. We’d have to go private this time, which is thousands of pounds for a process that might ultimately end in disappointment.
Years ago, before all this? Yes. Having kids was easy and I’d take to it like a duck to water. I often look at my little boy and feel like l’m depriving him of that sibling love and company. But then you don’t miss what you never had. I’m one of seven, so the idea of no siblings is alien to me. But then we never had any money and things were always tight. There was never any alone time. And it was tough being the only girl with six brothers as I found it hard to understand why there were different rules for me because I had a vagina?!
I would love to have a birth that goes well and where I feel I have control and bodily autonomy. I’d like to experience that newborn time without complete and utter fear clouding every second. I’d love to make our little family even more complete.
But actually, we’re so good right now, why push it? We’re a strong team of three. We make each other laugh and we’ve been through so much already. We’re due some peaceful, joyous times and that’s just what we’re having.
WHY DO YOU LIKE CRAP JOKES?
I like how ridiculous our language is and how you can play with it. I like the innocence of the laugh. And I like funny dick jokes.
So there you go.
It’s like bloody Proust, isn’t it?
Kim x
Nice one, Kimberley! ♥️
Love this. Can’t believe that peole ask you why you live in Wales! Don’t they know it’s a magical place filled with geniuses?! They are the ones missing out I say. From one IVF mum of 1 to another- I salute you. You’re bloody great xx